This special Her Two Cents offers commentary on a piece of hate email that was sent to Lovelorn Poets.
Gentle Readers:
As the creator and editor of Lovelorn Poets, I receive many emails from writers, artists, and commentators. I launched this site last year because I wanted to honor the amazing and heartfelt messages appearing on missed connections lists all over the country – and because I’m a real art and music nerd at heart, I wanted the writing be a springboard for my own, and other people’s, creativity. Publishing this blog in my spare time isn’t an easy task (especially when I’m wrestling with WordPress at 1am knowing that I need to get up for work the next morning), but a motivating factor has been the positive messages I’ve received from all corners of the globe letting me know how much the writing, artwork and videos are enjoyed. While I have language on the website that reads, “Subscriber participation and commenting is encouraged but spammers, haters, and hustlers will be removed ungraciously.” I’ve never thought that the content I provide would provoke any sort of animosity or hateful exchange. Lovelorn Poets is about celebrating the beauty of written language – a love letter, a message of regret, a poem, or some crazy rant. Not the type of subject matter one would think of as a real “pot stirrer.”
So, it caught me by surprise when I received this email:
——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Snot Rocketing in Harvard Square
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2011 22:34:58 -0500
From: jXXXXX@post.harvard.edu
You’re pretty fucking gay
This is the original message. Note the lack of proper punctuation. tsk tsk.
I think the last time someone uttered that phrase to me was 10th grade (maybe 11th) because I was one of those kids who preferred acting and singing and art to football games and being a cheerleader. My immediate response was to discard the message. However, I was also experiencing some low-grade anger. As you can see, the email was sent by someone with a Harvard alumni email address. Harvard is also MY alma mater. Many years ago I received a full scholarship to attend the Graduate School of Education and will forever be grateful for that opportunity. Knowing that someone was engaging in this sort of activity while using the school’s email embarrassed me and I wanted to do something about it.
I decided not to jump to immediate conclusions. I remember the very first time I had too much to drink and engaged in dumb behavior. So, I crafted this pointed yet slightly lighthearted response:
On Jan 21, 2011, at 2:56 PM, Lovelorn Poets wrote:
Oh J…
Thank you!
Let me guess; are you a divinity school alumnus? Such kind, compassionate language sent to a stranger.
I’m sure you make our alma mater proud each and every day. 🙂
To reward you for your outreach, I think I’ll send a little “class note” to the alumni magazine… how do you think this reads…
“In his spare time, J XXXX responds to random messages with comments such as ‘You’re pretty fucking gay’ (sic).”
Good form, ol’ chap! Good form indeed.
Laura ’04
I thought my gentle chiding would have been enough to make the person think twice about what they had done. I never expected to receive a response.
Nope I’m business school but nice try.
jXXXXX@post.harvard.edu
Sent from my iPhone
Message received loud and clear – you see nothing offensive in your words and/or embarrassing by involving your institution of higher learning with these words. I found myself getting really ticked off at this arrogance – I’m a researcher by training so I can dig up almost anything on record for this B-School bozo and if they think otherwise, then they’re woefully underestimating my education. But then I stopped, did I want to spend hours pursuing something, someone, so juvenile, ignorant, and negative? It’s so much more fun to hang out on Flickr Creative Commons and look for awesome art or read through the Brooklyn MC wondering if Frankie or Lee posted something new and beautiful.
So why am I even writing this? Lovelorn Poets is about embracing all the crazy beautiful sad things that happen in our rough and tumble world. You, the reader, the participant, don’t have to agree with what I select. You might not like a song or a photograph or a message – and that’s ok. I want people to engage with the content and express their thoughts and feelings. But this is not a place for rude, obnoxious, childish behavior. If you think poetry and music and art is “really fucking gay” then this isn’t the right sandbox for you to hang around in. And as for my dearest punctuationally-challenged puerile poet, you can think whatever you want, but I’ve got a blog to publish and I need to get back to it.
Sometimes talented people can chip a pleasing sculpture from an ugly piece of stone. I’m impressed by your classy response to this clown whose comments are offensive in several different ways. Those of us who are fans of the site urge you to keep up the good work.
I do feel bad for this person. Their behavior may lead to affluence in material things, but the die has been cast in terms of loneliness and depression. He will be dogged by both, and may never realize that he has never seen a hearse followed by a Brinks truck. (sigh) Hope he gets help.
LLP,
THANK YOU!
It is so hard to try to launch such an engaging and varied site as Lovelorn Poets, with terrific video and photos linked to heartfelt messages (and ok, sometimes some weird ones–but always interesting…) without encountering boors who are threatened by creativity. I’m glad to know your response reflects the dignity and restraint, as well as the creativity and sincerity, which your site attempts to honor in others.
One other thing: although this “contributor” may have gone to your alma mater–those manners are learned at home, and those who raised him are the ones who should be ashamed–I wonder if he had the same liquid courage to share that note with his parents…probably right up there with his report card on the fridge (and a pic of Pop kicking a puppy).
Bravo to you for taking a stand, while not dignifying such behavior with back and forth vitriol. Sometimes people need to see how to do it right, not how to one-up an insult. Keep LLP out of the gutter, and bring us more Tom Waits Christmas music (and Andy C. artwork)!
The writer’s email is proof that even boors can earn a Harvard degree. I’m happy to report that most of the Harvard alumni I have met are wonderful, though the few small-minded Harvard alumni I’ve met *are* HBS grads.
Thank you for your measured response.
Perhaps this person needs to disappear into the landscape and
become a flower so that they too can add beauty to the world,
because it’s never to late to re-educate your landscape.
How lame. I will never understand people like that. And, hey, let’s not forget that good ol’ George W. Bush was also a Harvard Business School graduate — he was linguistically challenged, too. Sometimes, unfortunately, all it takes is money not brains to get into a good school.
xoxo to Lovelorn Poets! Keep up the good work, Laura.
http://aucoeur.wordpress.com
Thanks for the support, Rick! BTW – I really loved the angel print of yours that was used for the New Year Eve’s message. Beautiful artwork – hopefully I’ll get to see more in 2011 (keep putting more on your Flickr page!).
All too true – money can make your life a bit easier but it never will result in long-term happiness and satisfaction. Lots of scientific studies coming from Harvard have proven just that point. I guess our writer didn’t read about those in the alumni mag, tho’.
Nice to see there are other Tom Waits fans out there. 🙂 It’s not always easy to take the high road – and you probably wouldn’t have wanted to read the first version of my response which played to the gutter a bit more – but this was something that needed to be said and I’m glad I was able to make my point effectively.
Tracie, I wonder the same thing – maybe it’s because the B-School is on the other side of the Charles? Do they drink different water over there??? Hmmm… there’s lots of old industrial sites in that area… maybe it’s brownfield contamination. 🙂
Lee… You are a poet who paints worlds with words. 🙂 Thank you.
Good point! One of my favorite GWB quotes is “The French have no word for Entrepeneur” 🙂 I guess they weren’t really dealing with international business issues when he was a student there. Thank you – and lots of hearts to you as well!
Nice to see he’s gotten the most for his education dollar. Looks like he spent more time painting his face to cheer on the team and crunching beer cans on his head than he did studying. He should realize that his degree may get him in the door but once he opens his mouth it’s over…
Keep up the good work and remember, to elicit a comment from someone, be it good or bad, means you got through to them somehow.