Hi. I’m sitting here waiting for my flight in another direction, and I heard the boarding call that would take me to see you. A flood of feelings that I thought were long gone have just come back up within me. It feels like a sock in the gut.
Here’s what I want to do: I want to chuck all of this work crap aside, forget the other stuff in my life, and run to that plane.
I won’t, though. It wouldn’t work. I know this, and you know this. But we both loved the fantasy.
Maybe I loved it a lot more, or for a lot longer, or long past when it did anything for you — you were strong, you were all better, and so you went on with your life. That’s my role: I pick up the wounded and suffering, I patch them up, I love them until they are well again, and then when I’m distracted and looking at the territory ahead, they wander off of the path and disappear.
You wandered away and I didn’t see it right away. What made me see it was when I puked it all out to you. I had to tell you all of that stuff. I knew I’d regret not saying those things. And you were graceful about it, and gentle, and kind. I loved you for that. And that made the pain worse.
But things are different for me now. They changed for me less than a day later, and in a huge way, and not with anyone filling your void. No one really has, can you believe that? But, the changes were good. They kept my mind off of you while my heartscars knitted. But now, settled into my new routine, my mind sometimes wanders. Today, I’m sitting having coffee that will certainly keep me awake late tonight when I’m supposed to be asleep, and I hear that gate call that would get me to you. It aches all over again. Thanks? Thanks will have to do. I didn’t know that I could feel that strongly about someone, ever. I didn’t know the impact you would have on me way back when we were just making each other smile. I hope I had some kind of impact on you. It’s selfish, I know. I guess I want to know that I can impact someone in that way.
And there’s the call for my flight. I won’t add any more.
Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder: This message just breaks my heart! It makes me wonder, is this truly an old, faded relationship that is better off archived or should the two of them explore the possibility of re-igniting that ember of love. We’ll never know… (but from this message it appears for now that the later choice isn’t very likely..)
One Carry-on Item by Drastic Jo
