An Ode to Umbrellas
Missed Connections in Toronto
An Ode to Umbrellas
I have met you before,
Wide, protecting, shielding me from the wind,
Until you break apart, until your frame breaks at its bends and the spikes jut out threatening passers-by,
No one come near me, I’m packin’.
I’ve met you before,
Usually good for one day, black as night or a tacky print,
You are the bane of my existence. I love you. I hate you. I can’t hold on to you for more than a week,
Our relationship is unhealthy.
Once I had you and you were beautiful,
Given to me by some Korean woman I had met while tutoring,
You were red, your dome had such a beautiful arch, your arms were sturdy and you had ruffles along your edge,
You’re gone too… lost at a Korean bar where the bartenders threw bottles around like jugglers juggling flames.
I had some others after you,
Most were black. Many were found, left abandoned by their owners,
No one cares about you, but we all care so much, just not enough to hold on to you for more than a month… never an entire season,
You’re like a foster child, bounced from home to home and frequently neglected.
I then came across a beautiful one of you,
Arch like the one I had loved so much before,
Clear plastic handle, floral print atop a baby-pink base, “Sarah Jessica Parker” sprawled across you in gold ink, I didn’t care that you were abused by your manufacturer, scarred with a celebrity’s name,
You came with me, and then you were gone.
Lastly, I see another one of you,
Left by your owner, she probably adored you, but not enough to keep you,
Sitting on the street car, unknowingly about to be assumed by my GUILTY GUILTY hand, I should have returned you to the driver,
He glared at me in the mirror.
You were innocent, but I was not,
His cold eyes stared right through me,
Attempting to trigger the guilt within he stared at me, eyes so callous and warning “do not steal umbrellas!” though I feel numb,
Umbrellas belong to no one, don’t worry, I’ll lose this one too.
Her Two Cents
Such a poetic homage to the ubiquitous umbrella (in my parts, at least) I have never before encountered! This poor outdoor accessory really takes a beating: we expect it to withstand gale force winds, keep us dry as the desert during torrential downpours, look fabulous and fashionable, never break, and cost no more than pocket change. The next time you are left holding the remains of an umbrella, battle-scared and broken by nature, be sure to thank it for its service and provide a proper resting place in your garbage can.
