To Roman A Last Message by unknown
When sending “messages in a bottle” through cyberspace, one knows that the message will be picked up, but perhaps not by the intended recipient. Rather than track you down, however, this feels more comfortable to me. You might not welcome hearing from me directly, and after thirty years of silence, I think that understandable, especially as we ended things badly back then. Sometimes, I question if you remember me, but I think you do.
If perchance you saw my post from last Spring, you know that I forgave both you and me for the actions of our long-ago past. It was actually much easier to forgive you than it was to forgive myself for all that had happened then (including that disastrous attempt at friendship that left both of us even more hurt and angry). Forgiving us, and sending that “message in a bottle” then, allowed me to let go of my long-held anger and regret, and gave me some needed peace with my younger days.
But this summer, circumstances required that I travel frequently to the Upper East Side. And it was during those rides that I thought of you again, this time without pangs of regret or feelings of anger. I was able to smile a little when the bus went past the UN every day on my way to Sloan Kettering, and I remembered meeting your mentor. I could allow myself to feel the pain of going past the restaurant where I had my goodbye dinner from my first job–the one you didn’t attend, letting me know with your silence that we were through.
Perhaps it is that peace with the past that explains why I now can feel a measure of love and affection for you–well, the young you–and for the young woman that was me.
So. . .if you are angry with me, my wish for you is that you can let that go, for your sake. If you have regrets, my wish is that you can let go of those, too. And if you already have found your own peace, know that I am glad for you. We are now in our 50s, and life is too short to continue carrying around hard feelings from youth.
Take care. I wish you all the best.
(You may contact me, if you’d like.)
Back in the day when the Craigslist Missed Connections forum was “open” to everyone and not so closely monitored, it was used for stories like this one. I always thought of them as “messages in a bottle” – what was the likelihood that it would even come close to finding its intended target? Which leads to the next question – was there ever an intended target or was it a work of fiction designed to lure readers into messaging? With no one to ask these questions to and receive answers from, the text and image become yet another bit of extended-lifetime internet ephemera.
