Lovelorn Poets

From Anchorage to Zebulon: In Search of Missed Connections

Missed Connections in Ann Arbor, MI: Prince Charming Has Left The Kingdom

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Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder:

Ann Arbor, MI is a big college town and the happenings in and around the University of Michigan play a central role on the Ann Arbor MC. Today we feature a sampling of what you’ll find there…

Missed Connections in Ann Arbor, MI

Knight of Cups by r8r

Prince Charming Has Left the Kingdom

Missed Connections in Ann Arbor, MI

This gig is crap. Oh sure, the job description was positive enough:

* Rescue princesses from peril
* Break spells with just a kiss
* Act as PR spokesman for male gender
* Full benefits (medical, dental, vision) after 90 days
* Successful candidates will be proficient swordsmen, kissers, and equestrians

But when you get right down to it, what do I really do all day? Bluster and bluff my way through already-awkward social situations. Argue on behalf of the downtrodden — who turn out to be ungrateful bastards in the first place which is probably why they’ve got the lot they do. Lay my cloak in the mud for prissy, center-of-the-universe girls whose egos are surpassed only by their implants. Sure, once in a while I get to deliver a magic kiss to a genuinely sweet girl who just got caught up in a bad situation. But you know how often that really happens? And seriously, every time, every single time, she turns out to be underage, or already engaged prior to the spell being cast, or otherwise totally off-limits.

This job is crap and I’m leaving. Taking my faithful steed (the only GOOD part of the job, if you ask me — he never complains, and we have a simple oats-based relationship) and my sword and my armor, and going the hell home.

How about you?

Lovelorn Poets: Her Two Cents

Her Two Cents offers daily commentary on missed connections selected to appear on Lovelorn Poets.

Her Two Cents on Prince Charming Has Left the Kingdom

It appears our lovelorn Ann Arbor poet has been injured in the battle of romance one too many times and is taking refuge with his reliable stead.  While I’d be the first to say that not all princesses are high maintenance Barbie dolls, I’d also recommend that if all you’re turning up in the dating-mating pool are evil step-sisters, then taking a break could be for the best. Perhaps riding out into the sunset with the horse and a frosty beverage (as illustrated so perfectly by r8r) is the cure for clarity.

Gentle Readers: What do you think about the saying, “sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of toads in order to find your prince”? Do you think our prince has had a string of bad luck with toady-girls or might there be another reason why he’s not meeting his princess?

Missed Connection in Madison, WI: Smoking Isn’t Sexy But Neither Is Your Spandex

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Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder:

Nothing like a little venomous poison pen message to kick-start our Friday morning (and who better to provide the soundtrack than Courtney Love from her Hole days).  I’ll admit I’m no longer a big fan of the cancer sticks, but I agree with our Madison poet that hurling insults isn’t an effective cessation technique. And as far as wearing spandex goes, it’s a PRIVILEGE not a right…

Missed Connections in Madison, WI
Smoking Isn’t Sexy But Neither Is Your Spandex

Dear dbag on a bike at Jenifer and Livingston at 6:45 Thursday evening,
I was standing at the bus stop and smoking a cigarette as you rode past and said, “That’s not sexy…” It took me a second to realize what you’d just said and that you weren’t on a headset but believe you me, I got pissed. Contrary to popular belief, not everything women do is an attempt to impress you. Whether or not you were talking about my smoking or my disco pants you should really learn to mind your own beeswax. ‘Cause believe me, you and your blue spandex ain’t so hot.

Missed Connection in Ann Anrbor, MI: Guy Who Punched Me In The Face

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Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder:

Agreed – a drunk guy punching rampage is not a good thing. Luckily for our Ann Arbor poet, the perp had more in common with the Fresh Prince and less with Mike Tyson…

Missed Connections In Ann Arbor, MI
Guy Who Punched Me In The Face

i was walking home from a party when i decided to take ballard street to my house. little did i know that you were on a drunk guy punching rampage. which would make sense seeing as how you blind sided me as we passed each other. though i must admit, this has made a pretty entertaining story for me and friends, i think you should have been stronger to pull a stunt like that. i mean, come on, i was very drunk and had a hard time walking as it was. a punch to the face should have at least knocked me down or at least made me stumble a bit. you did knock my head back though, i will give you that. i did love, however, that when i turned around to see who just hit me you were running like the dickens away from me. i have to say i’m a bit confused as to why you scurried away. maybe it’s just you found out how weak you are by seeing what little effect you had on me and thought of no other option. but hey! who knows. next time you should assault someone at your strength level. maybe a 16 year old girl or someone like that. ohh and my face is completely fine. no swollen cheek or anything 😀

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Missed Connections in Athens, GA: On Writers

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Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder:

Nothing like a little MC tirade to keep things interesting! Although I don’t know if I’d consider writers to be the most arrogant of the entire creative lot. Perhaps they grow them differently down in Athens…

missed connections in Athens, GA
On Writers

Missed Connections Athens, GA

The Ripped Dress Debutante by Jessie Lynn

Writers
sit
and watch
and record
and fluff
the ordinary
in an attempt at extra.
If everyone were a writer,
the world would simply be
watching itself
watching
the most arrogant fucks who have ever lived.
They are fools,
putting a gown on shit
and calling it a
princess.
Their deceit is my deceit. but i know mine

Lovelorn Poets: Her Two Cents

Her Two Cents offers daily commentary on missed connections selected to appear on Lovelorn Poets.

Her Two Cents on On Writers

Our vitriolic Athenian poet does have a point – writers sit, and watch, and record, and in some cases fluff the ordinary in an attempt at creating something extraordinary (I’m guilty as charged). Are there those who come to believe their talents or creative efforts put them beyond the sphere of other mere mortals? Certainly. But I don’t think writers alone are susceptible to that failing. In Dante’s 17th circle of hell writers of that sort get to spend all eternity at an athletic day camp with narcissistic theatre folks, formerly-famous (in-their-own-mind) musicians, and surly painters.

Gentle Readers: When I found Jessie Lynn’s image of the debutant in a ripped dress, it reminded me of the debauchery some of our most famous writers have engaged in. Do you think this is a representative image for this message? Would you have selected something different?

Missed Connections in Seattle, WA: My Breakfast Sandwiches

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Missed Connections in Seattle-Tacoma, WA
My Breakfast Sandwiches

My breakfast sandwiches are still the best.
I made some for the kids and was sitting there eating mine when I thought of you.
Hey, do you remember when I was actually stupid enough to get up at 4am just so i could make then for you?
Or the one time I actually met you on your way to work to give you one so that you’d not be hungry?
I hope your guy is treating you with those kids gloves,
but I’ll bet he doesn’t and that is why you stay with him- isn’t it?

Note from the Missed Connections Chief Bottle Finder: Getting up at 4am to make someone breakfast is pretty darn awesome in my book. Someone who can’t appreciate that isn’t worth the time it takes to crack an egg!

Missed Connections in Seattle, WAWant more music?
Want more videos?
Check out the Lovelorn Poets YouTube channel.

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